Reminiscing.

Supposedly people that don't look back on the past die faster. It's an ungrateful attitude to not be able to reminisce and smile about the things that made you what you are today. Of course it's always fun to remember things, but sometimes it's also depressing. I hate having flashbacks that have something to do with middle school. I had my girls and my boys, we were all super close but now it's only hi&bye. I mean I'm still able to text them and talk for a minute, but it's still not the same. I want to be able to hang out with everyone like we used to. I miss AP mondays that we can never bring back because people are too busy doing their own thing and because one of us moved. We made a pact never to visit "the rock" without everyone there, so now I could never go to check if our names are still written on it. Sometimes I believe that the AP girls drifted because the writing on the rock washed off. Maybe we shouldn't have made promises on the rock. Because we knew that those markers weren't permanent. It's also amazing to me how 5407 was the only day that every girl in the group was able to hang out. We swore that a hang out on 5408 is a must, but it never happened. All our plans; bowling, swimming, ice skating, rock climbing and other random things, were all ruined because it was impossible to have every single person in the group to come. We tried to bring lunch crew back, but turns out one of the guys can't go. We're still having the kick it, but it just won't be the same. I mean don't get me wrong, the friends I have now are brilliant, but it's not easy keeping friendships the same. It's like I can only have 10 good friends in my lifetime, and when I make a new friend and get close, I fade with someone else. And the worst feeling you could ever have is trying to repair a friendship with someone who doesn't put as much effort in as you do. With parents like mine, it's hard to hang out with everyone. Getting into a relationship is also one of the ways that prevents me from keeping my friends close, and I'll admit, at first all I wanted to do was be with him. I still do, but I make sure that I'm not caught up with him like most girls. So I do make time for some of my friends. And some of my friends make time for me. But it will never ever be how it was in the past. There's nothing we can possibly do about it because obviously, it's just time not making space for us.