My most recent addiction.

Exasperation.

So I feel like I lack self discipline. And I lack balance at school, like I would do really really good in one class then realize I'm failing others. Then i focus on the ones I'm failing and realize I'm failing the other one that I'm good at. BioChem is supposed to be easy but since I LACK SELF DISCIPLINE I could never get myself to work. I'm on Unit 3 Module B for like 100 years and I can't get off it cause I keep slacking off and doing work from other classes. I try so fucking hard in math but i still stay with a B no matter what, and I was too sick to come to class for 3 days and now I don't even know wtf is happening in that class. I didn't do any of the problems in the homework, well I did but its probably wrong so I fucking gave up and i just know i'm gonna bomb the tests and quizzes. Although, I had a C in World Studies and now I have a beautiful A :) But shit. I feel like I'd do better in fucking Algebra 2 or something. Cause other people are fucking like seniors in geometry getting 4.0's and I've been working my ass off since i was fucking BORN and i think i deserve that 4.0. I used to be able to slack off and still get a perfect gpa. and like mr. hannigans class is so easygoing that i cant help but just blow everything off and i have a fucking b-. ive always been good at english. i dont even know. im trying hard. my sister is like going out with her boyfriend every day coming home at 10 and going to sleep and she seems so chill with her life and im hella stressed why am i even hella stressed. why doesnt fucking chapter 6 just blow over so i could get on with the easy shit, gohhhd. claudine is frustrated! And just now I thought about how everytime im screwing up, i tell my mom and when she said just do my best, whatever the result is. and when she says shes still proud of me it makes me feel hella better as if shes the one ive been trying to impress all this time.

Happiness.

Sometimes I feel like my happiness is always incomplete. When something good happens to me, it's never 100%. Kinda like in math, where I'm in a high level, but I always get C's. And finally this year I'm understanding everything, but still manage to always get B's. I'm always second place for some reason, hmmmmmm. I'm very sick right now, it sucks. My back/stomach/neck hurts from coughing too hard. I had a dream that I had tuberculosis and coughed up blood. Whaaaat. The only thing I'm really happy about is my boyfriend, but even then. Like I was more than 100% happy when he was here, then suddenly he moves. So I was 100% happy when I found out that he can still go to logan, then suddenly I realize that we barely have me&him time anymore. Wddfff dude =[