Homewrecking.

Acceptance.

SO ITS BEEN OVER A FUCKING WEEK and my mom's still not over that shit. She's still hella bitchy to me. Wooowww dude. First friday I ever came straight home. But I had fun walking home, bahahah I wonder why.

Kbye,

Adjustments.

"If everything is going your way,
expect shitstorms."

"Being lonely,
is not the same as being alone."

So my life is good for now. I usually don't blog when my life is good. My mom and I are still not on speaking terms, and I really wanna go out >:[ But I can't.

Life's cheeeeeeeel.

Falter.

I'm sad. Some people just have it all.

Abyss.

So I'm at my all time low right now, my mom won't talk to me. She told me never to leave my room, I can't talk on the phone, I can't use the computer, I can't watch TV. I can't do anything. I'm only allowed to lay in my bed. She told me not to eat. Right now I'm home alone so I'm free for now. I haven't eaten in one and a half days, and I checked my weight and I'm at 109 right now. I'm happy about that, actually. I don't really have much of an appetite anyway, so even though I could go eat, I'm not gonna. For the people that are texting me, please stop. I got my phone taken away.

I don't really know what to do with my life anymore. Everything just hella went downhill. I wish I had anybody to talk to, but I'm hella on restriction. I was having a good ass time with Sammy and Gabby, but I had to leave early 'cause I got in hella trouble. Fuck dude.

I tried reading a book to pass time, but that did not work out. So I decided to read my sister's archie comic things and they're pretty bad, but it was better than reading a book, really..

And also I was reading the letter my mom wrote me from retreat, and I started hella crying. I went out to say sorry to her but she just kept on passing me by like I wasn't there. So I just gave up. Just whatever now. I probably deserve it. Been gettin' away with shit for sooooo damn long.

I like not knowing. Ignorance is bliss.

I was laughing earlier, and I totally forgot why. I thought I should make a note out of that.

My mom said, "You better fucking eat. Not because I care about you, because I don't wanna pay for your doctor shit."

Satisfaction.

I'm proud of me =)

Transformation.

Feels good to know where I stand :)

"I know it's hard on a rainy day, you want to shut the world out and just be left alone but don't run out on your faith, 'cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand and what you've been up there searching for forever is in your hands."

So today will be a goooood day =) w/family. Tomorrow, Sammy, & Gabby day :o Exciteeeed.

Decisions.

Priorities.

So, as of last week, I have been going out every single day. Which is not good, knowing what I've been doing. I think it's my way of coping, a little, but also as of last week I have been neutral nelly. I have very little to NO feelings at all. I kinda just go with my instincts. Wake up with "How do I feel today?" but never really getting an answer.

I have a C in biochem, which is totally no surprise. Not as big a surprise as my A- in fucking honors english! Suck on that, bitches :) But that's not as big a surprise that my sister has a higher GPA than me :/ 3.14? Life's going downhillllll. Byebye San Diego State =(

I'm really looking forward to that one thing, bahahahha you should know, Samuel Breglia.


So I finally kicked it w/Camille, Arianne, & Veronica :o
It's been a while, girlssss. A long, long while.

And I still haven't decided. Tahoe/LA? I'm going more towards just staying in UC & kickin it with everyone. So Jason also wants me to go to San Diego b/c I haven't visited his white ass in a while, but we'll see bout thattttt =)

kbye!

Irresponsible.

So I'm totally slacking off in everything...fuck. I'm gonna die in Ms. AA's class forreal. That damn project dude. I haven't done shit in that class for 3 days. Spring break, come rescue me!

Sanguine.

Nothing can ever be just right. I can't just be on one side and be happy. I have to suffer either way. I don't see what I'm supposed to do anymore, it's like nobody is letting me be happy. There are people that can take pain and there are people that can't. And I'm sure I can't. I'm always sad, I don't know why. But I'm pretty good at pretending.


^^^My feelings in a song.

Its cool, I'm positive as fuck =)

So we watched Passion of the Christ, oh damn that shit was terrible. How can people even do that to someone else. They'd rather free a notorious murderer than a man who claims to be the messiah, but harms no one? They put him through so much pain and it's hella on screen, my back hurt from watching that shit even though I wasn't being whipped.

I left early though, cause it was my uncles bday. I ALMOST finished my reflections but I ran out of ink on my computer and I wasn't about to draw it ahahahaha. I hella bullshitted on it.

So I've been trynna see if I should go back on myspace or not, but yeah. And I'm trynna figure out how to subscribe to people on this, idk how LOL.

Anyway, that's all for today =) Good day!

Elysium.

Today was a wonderful day, patched things up with my baby, and going over to his house tomorrow. We're going to play Paper Mario. Hopefully that's the end of the drama there 'cause I can't handle it :[ I just heard the door sound and there's no one there and I'm home alone. I just scared myself. Hahaha. My math homework is terrible. The one for tonight wasn't so bad but the night before, I haven't finished and it sucks and I don't understand it. Tomorrow we're not allowed to eat meat, but I'm gonna! =)

Well I find myself being left behind a lot, and I feel that I depend too much on only one person. But I opened my mind and decided I don't need superclose friends that I have to talk to everyday, but there's those people that are consistently there for me and likewise.


this video seems to cheer me up a lot, and i have been singing this song all day because it has been stuck in my head (and everyone else around me after that).

Also, us watching that moreau girl finger herself was hilarious. That bitch could use a brazilian.

Disregard.

I realize, that I do not give a rat's ass if you forget :) and alsoooo, i'm sleepy. Have you ever just sat down and realized how tired you are of your life? Jeeezus, it's the same damn routine every fuckin' day, I just need a miracle to come spice up my life.

And I decide, that I'm a bitch and I was never meant to care for anybody's feelings. And this, forcing myself to care thing, is fading fassssst. No tears, no regrets :]

give me paradise.

Abandoned.

..dont.