Abyss.

So I'm at my all time low right now, my mom won't talk to me. She told me never to leave my room, I can't talk on the phone, I can't use the computer, I can't watch TV. I can't do anything. I'm only allowed to lay in my bed. She told me not to eat. Right now I'm home alone so I'm free for now. I haven't eaten in one and a half days, and I checked my weight and I'm at 109 right now. I'm happy about that, actually. I don't really have much of an appetite anyway, so even though I could go eat, I'm not gonna. For the people that are texting me, please stop. I got my phone taken away.

I don't really know what to do with my life anymore. Everything just hella went downhill. I wish I had anybody to talk to, but I'm hella on restriction. I was having a good ass time with Sammy and Gabby, but I had to leave early 'cause I got in hella trouble. Fuck dude.

I tried reading a book to pass time, but that did not work out. So I decided to read my sister's archie comic things and they're pretty bad, but it was better than reading a book, really..

And also I was reading the letter my mom wrote me from retreat, and I started hella crying. I went out to say sorry to her but she just kept on passing me by like I wasn't there. So I just gave up. Just whatever now. I probably deserve it. Been gettin' away with shit for sooooo damn long.

I like not knowing. Ignorance is bliss.

I was laughing earlier, and I totally forgot why. I thought I should make a note out of that.

My mom said, "You better fucking eat. Not because I care about you, because I don't wanna pay for your doctor shit."

Satisfaction.

I'm proud of me =)

Transformation.

Feels good to know where I stand :)

"I know it's hard on a rainy day, you want to shut the world out and just be left alone but don't run out on your faith, 'cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand and what you've been up there searching for forever is in your hands."

So today will be a goooood day =) w/family. Tomorrow, Sammy, & Gabby day :o Exciteeeed.

Decisions.

Priorities.

So, as of last week, I have been going out every single day. Which is not good, knowing what I've been doing. I think it's my way of coping, a little, but also as of last week I have been neutral nelly. I have very little to NO feelings at all. I kinda just go with my instincts. Wake up with "How do I feel today?" but never really getting an answer.

I have a C in biochem, which is totally no surprise. Not as big a surprise as my A- in fucking honors english! Suck on that, bitches :) But that's not as big a surprise that my sister has a higher GPA than me :/ 3.14? Life's going downhillllll. Byebye San Diego State =(

I'm really looking forward to that one thing, bahahahha you should know, Samuel Breglia.


So I finally kicked it w/Camille, Arianne, & Veronica :o
It's been a while, girlssss. A long, long while.

And I still haven't decided. Tahoe/LA? I'm going more towards just staying in UC & kickin it with everyone. So Jason also wants me to go to San Diego b/c I haven't visited his white ass in a while, but we'll see bout thattttt =)

kbye!