Happiness.

Sometimes I feel like my happiness is always incomplete. When something good happens to me, it's never 100%. Kinda like in math, where I'm in a high level, but I always get C's. And finally this year I'm understanding everything, but still manage to always get B's. I'm always second place for some reason, hmmmmmm. I'm very sick right now, it sucks. My back/stomach/neck hurts from coughing too hard. I had a dream that I had tuberculosis and coughed up blood. Whaaaat. The only thing I'm really happy about is my boyfriend, but even then. Like I was more than 100% happy when he was here, then suddenly he moves. So I was 100% happy when I found out that he can still go to logan, then suddenly I realize that we barely have me&him time anymore. Wddfff dude =[

Miss.

miss • |mis| • verb • [ trans. ]: 1 notice the loss or absence of : he's rich—he won't miss the money | she slipped away when she thought she wouldn't be missed.
• feel regret or sadness at no longer being able to enjoy the presence of : she misses all her old friends.
• feel regret or sadness at no longer being able to go to, do, or have : I still miss France and I wish I could go back.

Note to self:

10/25/08. 8:30-10:00 P.M.
movie: "Knocked Up."
Oakland, CA.

Naive.

"Stick your nose up. Higher, higher! Walk in a straight line with your hand propped up against your hip. Yes, they are watching. So give them a show. You're the star." Give me a break. Go on; Label me preppy because I'm outgoing; Label me nerdy because I'm Asian; Label me punk because I wear eyeliner; But you can't label me ignorant.

Egocentricism.

The one quality that I wouldn't want any of my friends to have is extreme selfishness. Everyone is selfish sometimes but what absolutely bothers me is when someone is selfish all the time. And I actually know someone who really is that self centered!

Dear Selfish,
If the world really revolved around you, you'd be the sun. BUT YOU'RE NOT THE SUN, THEREFORE THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU. I'm your friend and I'll be there for you whenever I can. But I can't possibly be there every single time you need me, that's why you have more than one friend, so you can actually talk to them when I'm not present! But I have a feeling you treat me exactly like how you treat your other friends. I love you, and we have lots of fun together. Well, we had lots of fun together. Until one morning you got yelled at by your mom, cried at school, and realized you get waaay more attention if your life SUCKS. So you constantly find little things to kill your mood just so you have a reason to act like a bitch the whole day. So I ask you what's wrong, and you spill your guts to me, and the problem you're bitching about is the same problem you were bitching about the day before! And the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that! Just a little tweaked up, more exaggerated than the previous day to make it seem even WORSE than the last time. I mean, I have problems too, I get annoyed easily, my grades are dropping a little but that doesn't give me a reason to bitch all day to my friends, and when they get tired of it, I don't bitch even more about how everyone's leaving me and I have no friends! You HAVE friends, but you're scaring them away! Life's a bitch but it can't possibly be as bad as you make it seem. You're alive, you have a house, you have food to eat, you're getting your education, for god's sakes didn't you tell me you were getting a car next month?!?!!

Just because I'm tired of hearing the same damn thing everyday and refuse to ask "what's wrong," doesn't mean I'm the bad friend. Yeah, by being your friend I sorta made a commitment to be with you through everything but NEWSFLASH you're not even my best friend! I have ONE class with you! When you tell me the same story over text, and I reply with "I already discussed this with you yesterday," I get a "What kinda friend are YOU? You don't even care about anything I say, my life already sucks and you're gonna add all that weight to my shoulders?!" With all due respect...BITCH YOU'RE ADDING WEIGHT TO MY SHOULDERS. When have you ever helped me with my problems?! Do you even fucking know what's going on in my life? I wouldn't even be surprised if you forgot my name! What's wrong with you, I walk into class and the first thing I hear is "Dude, I'm so emo..." Okay?! You're cool?!

I'm afraid this blog is waaay too honest and I'm pretty sure if the person I'm talking about is reading this, she would know who she is.

And if that person really is reading this....I'm sorry honey, but you need to know.